I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I think I'm paranoid"
He said, "not so loud, I'm sure the room's bugged!"
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I asked my psychiatrist what had made him become a psychiatrist - he said it was the voices in his head!
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A man went to see the doctor.
Man: "Doc, do you think I can live for another fifty years?"
Doctor: "Do you drink?"
Man: "No!"
Doctor: "Do you smoke?"
Man: "No!"
Doctor: "Do you visit whores?"
Man: "Certainly not!"
Doctor: "Then why do you want to live another fifty years?"
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A man went to see the doctor.
Man: "Doc, I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said"
Doctor: "When did you first notice this problem?"
Man: "What problem?"
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I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I keep having this dream that I've turned into a pair of curtains".
He said, "pull yourself together man!"
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I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I think I'm turning invisible".
Doctor: "Who said that?"
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A man went to see the doctor.
Man: "Doc, I think I'm spending too long on the computer, I'm starting to see spots in front of my eyes".
Doctor: "Have you seen an optician?"
Man: "No, just spots."
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A woman went to see the doctor.
Doctor: "You are looking very weak and exhausted madam? Are you properly taking the four meals a day that I advised?"
Woman: "Oh my God, you said four meals? I thought you said four males!"
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A man went to see the doctor.
Man: "Doc, I'm having a little trouble with my eyes".
Doctor: "Have you ever had them checked?"
Man: "No, they've alway been blue."
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