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I borrowed some money off a doctor friend of mine. The next day I was in his surgery and he said I had six months to
live. I said I couldn't pay him back so he gave me another six months.
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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was
able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%. He went back in a month and the
doctor said, "your hearing is perfect, your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman
replied, "oh I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've already
changed my will three times!"
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I swallowed a pencil so I rang the doctor I said, "doctor, what do I do?"
He said, "use a pencil till I get there"
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I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I've swallowed a bone".
He said, "Are you choking?"
"No, I really did!"
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A woman went to the doctor with a young baby and said, "doctor, my baby's swallowed a bullet."
The doctor said, "for God's sake don't point him at me!"
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I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, how can I cure my sleep walking".
He said, "sprinkle tacks on your bedroom floor"
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I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I can't stop stealing things".
He said, "take these pills for a week, if that doesn't work get me a laptop"
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I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I've got insomnia".
He said, "just sit on the edge of the bed, you'll soon drop off"
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I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, everybody thinks I'm a liar".
He said, "I find that very hard to believe"
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I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains, it's really worrying me".
He said, "pull yourself together man"
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I went to the doctor, I said, "doctor, I want a second opinion".
He said, "OK, come back tomorrow"
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