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I was having sex with my wife and she kept calling out other men's names. It was very off-putting, particularly as they
were answering back!"
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I went drinking with a friend. I bought the first round and he was drinking horlicks! When it came to his round he was
fast asleep!
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I've been married 40 years - if I'd been a train robber I'd be a free man now!
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They say one in four children born today are Chinese - I haven't noticed with my own four, John, Louise, Steven and
Ho Chi!
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I was making love to my wife when I saw a peeping-tom at the window - I wouldn't have minded but he was booing me!
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I asked the librarian if she had anything by Harold Pinter - she said, "yes,twins!"
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I've given up my job as a taxi driver - I got fed up of people talking behind my back!
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I've taken a job as a road sweeper - it's better than walking the streets!
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I have friends who swear they dream in color - it's just a pigment of their imagination
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I asked the barmaid for a light draught so she blew up my trouser leg!
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I once went out with a girl called Joan of Arc - she's just an old flame!
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I went to see a geriatric circus - we all ran for cover when the incontinent trapeeze artist arrived!
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I went to an auction and paid £50 for the unknown soldier's autograph!
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I got into a taxi and said to the driver, "Camilla's Close".
"Don't worry" he said, "I'll lose her at the next
set of lights"!
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I've got six kids but one of them looks nothing like the others. I asked my wife if he had a different father, she said,
"yes, YOU!"
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My girlfriend wanted me to kiss her somewhere she'd never been kissed before - I took her to Cleethorpes?
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