|
I had a terrible meal in a restaurant, I called the waiter over and asked him what it was, he said it was "bean stew",
I said "I don't care what it's been, what is it now?"
|
|
Crime in Venice is on the increase - it's no longer safe to swim the streets!
|
|
I heard that some Arabs are stoned for adultery - I prefer it better sober!
|
|
Toys from China are preparing our kids for when they leave school - they don't work!
|
|
I've converted my house to run on static electricity - when I want to cook anything I have to take my jumper off
very quickly!
|
|
I was born by cesarian - it hasn't affected too much except when I leave the house I go out of the window!
|
|
I got food poisioning today - not decided yet when I'm going to use it!
|
|
I have sex with women almost every day - almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday, almost Thursday ...
|
|
I refuse to pay my electricity bills - I'm not paying for something I can't even see!
|
|
I've bought some flip-up contact lenses as I only need them for reading!
|
|
I've joined the flat earth society - they have members all around the world!
|
|
I hitched a lift on a car transporter - there was no room in the cab so I sat in one of the cars on top - the driver got
stopped for speeding and we both got a ticket!
|
|
I have a friend who's a radio DJ - the trouble is when he walks under a bridge you can't hear what he says!
|
|
I'm a little paranoid - I carry around a piece of garlic-flavoured bacon in case I'm attacked by a Jewish vampire!
|
|
I know when I'm going to die - my birth certificate has an expiry date!
|
|
Calcium anthropology - the study of milkmen!
|
