Simon was doing his maths homework. He said to himself, "two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six,
that son of a bitch is nine."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "what are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, she called Simon's teacher the next day, "what are you teaching my son in class?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
"And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four."
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A teacher asked his class: "what happened in 1869?"
A student answered: "Gandhi was born".
The teacher then asked: "What happened in 1873?"
The student answered: "Gandhi was four years old."
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A teacher asked his class: "Where does God live?"
A student answered: "I think he lives in our bathroom."
The teacher then asked: "Why do you say that?"
The student answered: "Well, every morning my dad bangs on the bathroom door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'"
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A teacher asked his class: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
A student answered: "The moon".
The teacher then asked: "Why do you say the moon?"
The student answered: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day
time when we don't need it".
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A teacher asked his class: "If I had ten oranges in one hand and eleven oranges in the other hand, what would I have?"
A student answered: "Some pretty big hands."
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A teacher asked one of his pupils "Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?"
The student answered: "Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!"
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"Great news," says the first pupil, "teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine."
"So what's so great about that?", asks the second pupil.
"It's snowing outside!"
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