My wife said to me: "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
I said "yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
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I went to my solicitor and told him I was looking to get a divorce because my wife hadn't spoken to me in six months,
he told me to think it over, "wives like that are hard to get!"
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My wife said for her birthday she wanted something that went from 0 to 60 in three and a half seconds - so I bought
her a pair of weighing scales!
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I asked my wife where she'd like to go for our anniversary and she said "take me somewhere I've never been" - so I
showed her into the kitchen!
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I once placed an advert in my local paper: "Wife Wanted", I got 82 replies all saying "you can have mine!"
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My wife hung up the phone after half an hour chatting, I said, "that was short, you're usually on a couple of hours",
she said "it was a wrong number"!
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I haven't spoken to my wife for three years - I don't want to interrupt her!"
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I saw my wife looking in the mirror, she said "I like to look at my lovely young complexion and attractiveness, do
you think that's vanity?" I said, "no, just your imagination!"
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I wanted a great night out so I bought my wife three movie tickets - one for her and one each for her parents!
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I said to my wife I was going to make her the happiest woman in the world - she said she'd miss me!
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I came back from the pub one night and the next morning I realised that men are as good looking as when they went to
bed the night before but for some reason women deteriorate overnight!
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My wife said it was better for me to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
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My wife said we should learn from our mistakes so I don't quite understand why we had more than one child!
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